With respect to Bethany and Josh, trying to find the best chefs in town to cook tofu is ridiculous. The mere fact that there are people in Fresno who want to be known as tofu specialists is preposterous. I'm issuing a warning to all Fresno Chefs...cooking tofu and being paraded around Grizzlies stadium is akin to a naked, public flogging for a parking ticket.
It's common sense and being a human...Bacon is better than Tofu!
So who is this event for? Soy enthusiasts? Vegans? Disenfranchised youth? Masochists? Occupy:Bacon? Is tofu even served at baseball games? Oh, that's right, Mom, Apple Pie, Baseball, and Tofu...pure nonsense.
Poor, flaccid, pale tofu. The underdog...the sympathy vote. Let's find good chefs in Fresno who usually cook animal protein and embarrass them by making them compete against bacon...and lose. Bacon versus Tofu sounds like it should be sponsored by the Soylent Corporation.
By the way, if vegans only eat vegetables, what do humanists eat?
The worst chef, the worst home cook on their worst day can cook a passable piece of bacon if they tried. The best chefs in the country elevate bacon to heavenly bliss. Oh, we can quibble about crunchiness, curled ends, and texture of improperly cooked bacon, but that has more to do with the cook than the bacon. Virtually all bacon is the same in terms of cooking process and generally comes pre-sliced. Bacon doesn’t require any seasoning, not even salt and no oil; simply a moderately hot pan, your attention, and virtually any kitchen utensil to turn the bacon over once.
I can cook a piece of bacon with a toothpick, a metal hub cap and a fire.
Tofu cooked by the worst cook in Fresno on their worst day is a disaster waiting to happen. Tofu cooked by a talented chef is an obliglation at best. Should the horrible cook use a cast iron skillet, non-stick, or stainless pan? Should they use oil and what type? What should they season the tofu with and how much seasoning is needed? How long should they cook the tofu? At what temperature should we cook the tofu? And wait there’s more. What tofu should the cook choose, Soft or Silken, Firm, Extra Firm? At what thickness should I cut the cube? Should I dry the tofu before placing it into a pan?
No one can cook tofu with a toothpick, a metal hub cap and a fire.
Let’s take a look at the general properties of tofu, carbon monoxide and cyanide:
There’s no need to stop with the similarities of tofu and industrial poisons; I’ve compiled a short list of
Things Never Heard at ANY Restaurant…EVER:
- Could I have extra tofu on my burger?
- Can I substitute Soynannaise on my Tofu, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich?
- I was starving this morning for breakfast, so I had tofu and eggs to start my day!
- Mi scusi uomo? E la Carbonara pasta fatta con seta o impresa tofu?
- Yes, I’d love chives, Tofutti, Bac’uns, and Nucoa on my baked potato
Tofu is manipulated and heavily influenced by the cook and cooking process. Plain tofu is bland, without texture. Tofu is like an adolescent child screaming for identification from its peers, parents, teachers, and siblings; amorphous and desperately in need of seasoning, acting out trying to be like the other kids. The Tofu Burger, Tofu Cheese, Tofu Bacon...phony posers wishing they were something else.
Bacon needs no accompaniment, no catalyst. Bacon can act as a solitary creature or as a complimentary player in a group. Bacon is clearly identifiable and we can trace its origins. Bacon is beautiful, simple, elegant, dignified. Bacon is wise. Bacon is calm. Bacon always smiles.
My name is The Cured Ham and I love Bacon!