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Thursday
Dec132012

The Bunist Movement

Dusty Buns followers are a foodie cult and I think they are deserving of a cultist name. I’m coining “Bunist” for them. I would go so far as encouraging Dustin and Kristin to make t-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs, even hipster sockhats with slogans like“Believe in the Bun”“Fresno Bunists”“Bunist 4 Life” and other mass-market crap. 

(In this feature, all the pictures will be featuring Eggs, in honor of the Egg Man. Our first picture is what my brother can do at home for under $1...it's called BREAKFAST. My brother also uses this other device known only to some, it's a coffee maker and it has been brewing coffee successfully before Starbucks)

 

Maybe a LOCAL artist and Follower of the Bun, should paint a mural in The Tower District of Che eating a Dusty Bun. Gives Dusty Buns an anti-establishment, hipster vibe. Dusty Buns written in Cyrilic Дусты Бунс on T-shirts and The People's Republic of The Bun vintage hats would be cool with a tag that says Made (Fresh) in Fresno. 

It's still cool in some circles to wear vintage Soviet gear, right?

Bunists can get a revitalization-redevelopment grant from the City (since Dusty Buns is in the Tower) and make official Fresno T-Shirts sold at the airport, so we can carry an international message to places like Amsterdam, Munich and Moscow to spread The Bunist philosophy globally. Whatever that philosophy is.

 (Oh look, something with an egg on it from Sitka and Spruce in Seattle! They have eggs up there? And they put them on bread...Wow. They must have stolen the idea from Dusty Buns, those brazen thieves!) 

Just to put some statistics behind the Bunist Movement in Fresno, Dusty Buns made 2,349,043 organic, local, hand-pressed, green energy driven, (did I mention local?) grilled cheese sandwiches this year, or at least that’s what I was lead to believe based upon word-of-mouth, media coverage, tweets, retweets, Farmer’s Market chatter, my local priest, and Kraft Singles legal counsel.

Out of those 2,349,043 sandwiches eaten, 3 people commented that the sandwich was simply "good", rather than use a superlative. These 3 people are obviously haters, according to the Bunists.

It’s a fine grilled cheese. I understand the grilled cheese mania out there. But really Fresnans…you need to get out of town more. Or better yet Fresnans, pull out that George Foreman grill you bought in 1992, take two slices of bread, butter them, place your cheese of choice in between the two slices, grill until the outside is golden brown and eat it. And if you want to get all fancy, fry and egg and place it on top of your grilled cheese. Viola! Le Grilled Cheese at home.

Look, an egg sandwich from the Jim Town Store in Healdsburg...how exotic This one comes with an olive spread on an herbed sourdough bread with lots of ham.

 

I’m considering starting a food truck and parking it outside Dusty Buns Bistro (oh, the irony) where my only item is a $5 dollar, 2 pound Velvetta/Spam/Wonder Bread sandwich called The Wonderous Velvet Piggy. I will take credit cards only, sell Coke, potato chips and whatever Twinkies I can get my hands on.

Having a food truck is simply a pipe dream. The Bunists would run me out of town like Ben Gazara in Road House.

Another egg, cooked at home with a roasted pork belly. Eggs, pork, country gravy and brioche...what a concept.

 

All kidding aside, I do appreciate the work that Dustin and Kristin are doing at two restaurants. It’s tough enough with one restaurant and a toddler; their success is odds defying in a town that could easily move on to the next best thing every 6 months (and usually does) or eat at McDonald’s. Other restaurants don’t even make it a year in this town, and for that, Dusty Buns has my respect.

HOWEVER, I won't let up on my belief that classically trained chefs Dustin and Kristin are better chefs than they lead on; cooking grilled cheese sandwiches and placing fried eggs on things, is child's play. I know plenty of CCA and CIA grads personally and while some chefs are better than others, we're talking grilled cheese here. Frankly, it's easy for them and I know chefs, at some point they get bored cooking the same crap.

Maybe Fresno is the best place on the planet for two classically trained chefs to set up shop. It seems all Dustin and Kristin have to do is make grilled cheese sandwiches with the French definite article "Le" in front to wow the unwashed masses. Maybe they should try their hand at a Royale with Cheese? Or better yet, a La PBJ.

Dusty Buns "La PBJ" is made from humanely and gently shelled peanuts and Fair Trade and minimally processed strawberry compote. A Golden Knife is used to spread the peanut butter, whilst the compote is applied with the Tusk of a Narwhal. Each ingredient is spread with love on opposite sides of a fresh bun. Lastly, each La PBJ is blown kisses from all our staff. I can see it now. La PBJ $9.

The joke is on you Fresno; the joke is on you.

References (2)

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    The Bunist Movement - The Cured Ham Blog - The Cured Ham
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Reader Comments (3)

this post disappoints me. generally, i find that you write thoughtful reviews of food that you eat. while i may not always agree with the review, that's fine. people can have different tastes. and, i'm fine with a snarky review of something. however, i would have liked to read an actual review by you of the actual food. maybe that's just me.

December 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commentered

I didn't see this series as a whole as any specific review. It appears to be more of a series about the food culture in Fresno with an obvious slant towards restaurants. Given the dramatic presence of Dusty Buns a blog post talking about them and their 2 locations is in order particularly in relation to where they stand in the cyber world.

This series IMO has been a wonderful read, and frankly this is the first post of the Hams that I disagree with. Recently another excellent Clovis restaurant talked about establishing a second location and asked their friends on FB what they'd like to see. Someone responded Oyster bar and they politely responded they needed to keep their doors open and the didn't see the viability of an oyster bar in Clovis. It's entirely possible DB feels the same way in changing a menu that offers what the public wants at a price that they can afford. Or, they don't care and they're enjoying life and servicing their niche serving organic Grilled Cheese and Chili Fries. That's not a bad thing either.

December 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRL

You sir, are an arrogant loser.

April 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSammy G

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